On East county

On East County.

I said that I wouldnt write about this, at least not until I fully processed it. But I couldnt help it. This is one of my main therapies.

There was the u.s. official asking me: "is East county to hot for you?" with a playful look. I responded with my serious affect: "No". That was what took for him to send me to a secondary revision. Once in there, the only think the guy asked us was: "What is your nationality"?...

They had a plaque on the side that said: "we have captn ured the most illegals that other counties". I guess they were hoping I would be the next one.

I am so mad. I was pulled on a side only based on my color, only because I look like I do. That is not questionable. After monday, I kept thinking on how many similar episodes I had had since I came here. And I became even more mad because I allow that to happen without really speaking up. But there is nothing much I can do. I am very pesimist today.

I tried to calmed me and my sister down by telling her that this could be worst..while she was futious saying that 'those racist officials stoped us for being brown''. I needed to not appear furious, because If i showed how I really felt, i could probably felt even worst.

I kept telling myself 'this is on East County, only. this is where I had my first experience in Lakeside'. But is not. Racist ideas, thoughts are all over. And I need to make my mind. Think on how to be with others, how to put my defenses down. how to not taking it personal with other white people. How to not personalize this to a degree that refrain me from being with others.

I also keep thinking on better ways to think these experiences. I was mad half monday.. and then I became productive. I am proud of my color. has it is history. has its pain. and I rather to be mad, than being victim, or embarrased. I would liked to continue being mad, for now.