attachments

I love my family, because they are not judging me even if they are not agree with my adult desicions. I love my family because they are not judging me out loud; they may be doing it on their own ways, on their own times; but I do love them because I can see and feel their effort to respect me.

I have some desicions that will I not change, ever. I have some expectations because of my experiences with abuse, that I will not lower down. Some of those expectations will imply for me to lose people. and loss some experiences myself. But im ok with that.

Today I was reading the attachment theory. And it seems under those theoretical approach that I would be the "Avoidance attachment person", because i deny attachment when being in intimated relationships. Because I do not want to rely on any partner. I must say that reading this theoretical approach has been helpful. But at the same time, I have strong reasons why I wouldnt let myself to feel so attached to anybody.

So I guess the love and the trust and all of those overstimated attributes can wait a little more. The attachment of affection is the one that lead to a serious injury in being with him. The affection occupy everything. Occupy my ideas of respect, dignity, love, and assertiviness. There is a serious injury because of my attachment to not healthy attachments.

Not sure I want to do any recovery yet.

I was in a very bad moment yesterday, thinking about my family and the bonds that were broken. I felt sad not about me, I felt sad for my mon. And for my death dad. I felt that there will be so many more injured moments to come, and I felt extremelly helpless, and alone. It was good to cry. It was good to write. It was good not to be so weak to call Irran again. I think I did good. I was strong and im here without feeling regret.