Mar 12, 2012

my body

I have been thinking a lot about my body lately, today, this year, right now.I hear things and stories about how it supposed to be my life at this moment in time. because of my age, because of my experiences, because of the family, and society. I hear: 'you should have a baby now, before it is too late, if thats somethings that you want".. "you should have a baby because i want to be a grandma".. and the last one: "we should make a baby, and that way we stay together,"..and many other phrases like that.

I think about what those discurses mean to me. Why they do affect me so much, even though, i know they shouldnt. Before they used to bother me because of the context. I used to think that if my situation changed I would be probably think differently about having or not a child. The stories transformed to many others when they are being processed thorugh pain, or the opposite, through happiness.

Now, those annoying statments about how my life supposed to be by this time, bother me for other reasons. Now I think about my body. and the power I have over it. I think about people think they have a right over the desicions of my body, and I feel really mad. I am tired of explaining. I am exausted to explain, even to myself what I want or not out of my body.

I do not now yet.

Maybe I want a child, but maybe not out of me.

or maybe yes.

and I will find out, even though becomes late.

That desicion will come from me, and from my body. and only from that binarie. I want to be in peace with my desicions, but mostly I want to be in peace, with it, with my body.

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